Post by Kimi on Apr 19, 2018 12:09:30 GMT -6
“I have a right to life, liberty, and chicken wings.”
NAME
Elsa Louisa Reinhardt
AGE
20
GENDER
Female
BIRTH DATE
April 14, 1997
OCCUPATION
University student (Political science)
LIKES
- A corking crime or mystery
- Sci-fi
- Film in general
- Jazz!
- Dogs
I love dogs. I've always loved dogs - Loudly arguing about politics at the dinner table
- Musicals, watched, seen or participating in.
- Snooping through people's stuff
- Obedient people who are down for anything-- or at the very least, people who won't complain…
DISLIKES
- Cynics, who force her to confront the cruelty of mankind
- Getting out-shouted
- Getting… ignored
- Rainy days
- Spiders
- Grey areas
- Political corruption devaluing the precious constitution that built this beautiful country on the backs of an optimistic farmer with a dream, of one nation unto thee, blah blah, blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah
PERSONALITY
Elsa Reinhardt was that one girl in your high school class.
C'mon, you know the one. Big smile, legs for days, cheery, high-achieving, chatty, social justicey. You look at this walking Mary-Sue of an Honor Student and wonder "do you think she goes home and cries herself to sleep at night?" or, "Do you think this girl feels an emotion that isn't SCHOOL SPIRIT!™?"
Of course she does! She's only human, after all. That being said, when Elsa feels anger or sadness, it makes her a little… uncomfortable.
She's a naturally optimistic girl. Not in the fake-it-'til-you-make-it, "good vibes only", aggressively Pinterest kind of way. Elsa genuinely thinks being alive is a delightful mystery. In Elsaville, people are good. After all… who's shown her anything to the contrary?
Not unlike a dog, she loves to meet people. Everybody has a shiny, shiny personality waiting to be revealed, like a tarp off a rotting corpse. But an exciting rotting corpse! (She's never been in life-threatening danger, either, so her self-preservation instinct isn't exactly all-systems-a-go. Are you getting the picture here?)
She mostly succeeds. She's likeable, if a little bit annoying and unrelatable to the more dour personalities. But once you get under the wholesome exterior, things can get a little pointier.
Elsa's a little weird. Not in a social pariah way, honest! She's eccentric! It's cute when girls are a bit kooky, right? It's fine! Sue her if she likes to look for crop circles and speculate about what else the Watergate scandal "might be hiding from us." HUH? WHA??
She's snoopy. She looks at your phone when you're texting. She'll overhear a conversation and jump in if she has an opinion. She does amateur radiosporting so she can LITERALLY SNOOP THROUGH SPACE. It's sort of terrible, but "the public has a right to know!" or some BS like that.
Her lawful nature can get a little dogmatic. Morality leans black-and-white. If you've done something that Elsa thinks is traditionally "bad", even if it's for a good reason, she'll wrinkle her nose at you and get a bit righteous. She might even call the police. If you get her going about something she cares about, she can be soapboxy and grandstanding. It's super annoying. Like, yeah, who cares if her heart is in the right place? Shut up.
Perhaps the most potentially worrisome, Elsa tends to place her infallible trust in the hands of any authority tasked with protecting the public. People older than her, policemen, teachers, soldiers, and anybody she thinks is capable all apply. For someone so fixated on personal liberty, she'll surrender her rights to someone she thinks is "responsible" at the drop of a hat.
The System takes care of bad people. The System works. R… right?
TL;DR✓: Civic-minded, optimistic, compassionate, social, intellectual⚖: Eccentric, talkative, authoritarian, sheltered✗: Annoying, pushy, snoopy, moralistic, a narc, black-and-white morality, somewhat delusional from having her world outlook shaped by Law and Order reruns
BIOGRAPHY
MEET THE REINHARDT FAMILY
OR DON'T, ACTUALLY
- Daniel "Dan" Reinhardt, Dad
- "I dunno, like fifty or something."
- He commutes to teach American Government at KBU in the neighbouring town.
- Hobbies include NASA exploration, the 24 hour news cycle, moth-trapping, amateur radioing, and watching the Zapruder film over, and over, and over again to "figure out who really got Kennedy."
- He is literally the man to blame for all of Elsa's personality.
- Sarah Reinhardt née Horowitz, Mom
- "Just tell her she doesn't look a day over thirty."
- New York state prosecutor before she dropped everything and moved to Phlox to be a stay-at-home-mom.
- Hobbies include catfishing in order to circumvent her children's facebook blocks, the Food Network, throw pillows, obsessing over everyone's weight, and licking her finger and rubbing it against your face to get the schmutz off.
- Contrary to her Martha Stewartesque veneer, a decade of obtaining subpoenas on people's hard drives has made her jaded and overprotective to the world's evils.
- Isaac "Zacky Wacky" "Izey Wizey" "What's Wrong, You Don't Like Us Calling You That?" Reinhardt:
- Eldest brother, 26, associate at a law firm.
- Serious girlfriend. Pays rent. Is an adult.
- Hobbies include "getting mom tissues when she cries, arguing with everyone, being neurotic, yelling at us when we go through his stuff, trying to be our second mom and like, I dunno, vinyl."
- Alden Reinhardt
- Second brother, 23, currently unemployed.
- Has moved into the basement.
- Hobbies include "stupid video games, Chinese cartoons, the computer, guns, not shutting up about Bernie at the dinner table, ruining Passover by talking about how God is a magical sky fairy."
- Elias Reinhardt:
- Third brother, 21, English major writing thinkpieces.
- Hobbies include "getting forgotten at the supermarket when he was five, getting woke, babysitting mom when Isaac is out, keeping everyone from killing each other, John Steinbeck, uh, football?"
THE ORIGIN STORY
- Of mostly German extraction
- "But GUYS, the Reinhardts were one of the founding families of Printy County. We have a picture of great-great-granddad in the TOWN HALL!!!1"
- Family is practicing Ashkenazi Jewish
- Grew up in Phlox, conveniently manages to hitch a ride to university with her dad because… daddy's girl… spoiled
PERSONAL HISTORY
Elsa was born in Printy County, grew up in Printy County, and if she has her way, she's probably going to die in Printy County. She's your all-American girl-next-door, baby!
Her family's childhood testimonials are a mix of disdainful and adoring:
“She was the biggest baby of all my children. Eight pounds, three ounces. I remember, when my water br... what, why are you putting a hand over my mouth? What, are you embarrassed? Childbirth is a beautiful miracle. You're so ungratef-” — Mother
“Isaac and I thought a baby sister was lame, so we put her into a cardboard box with packing peanuts and tried to get FedEx to return her to the store. Then Mom banned us from dessert for two weeks.” — Alden
“Elsie's our little actress. She used to point at the television and yell "WHERE'S BIN LADEN?" She was also in, like, 3 productions of Fiddler on the Roof, but mostly the Bin Laden thing.” — Father
“She was in so many goddamn extracurriculars as a kid, you'd think she was gunning for Harvard Law or something. Horseback riding, debate club, jazz orchestra, the frickin' plays, cheerleading, like, enough already. That's fourth-child syndrome for you, I guess. I can't go out with my friends in my late 20s without getting a plaintiff's cross-examination, but Elsa can stay out until 11 PM and Mom won't say anything! She's spoiled. You know that, right? Look, I'm not bitter or anything, I'm just sayi-” — Isaac
She wanted to be the first woman president in Kindergarten, according to the worksheets. Then she wanted to be an explorer, an archaeologist, a detective, a CIA agent, a human rights lawyer, before she lifted her sights into the realm of the plausible…
… and then changed her mind again and declared that she was going to be an FBI agent. Look at them, after all, in their bulletproof vests! Aren't they the embodiment of the modern-day knight? No? Well, they are to her.
Whatever career aspirations she had, it didn't keep her from the eighty million extracurriculars the world offered. During her four years in high school, she was a cheerleader, in drama club, working for the school paper, a trumpeter in the school orchestra, and still, inexplicably, found time to do God-knows-what-else.
At Wolfe high school, she's mostly known for the following:
- Inciting protest against school lunches in sophomore year, attempting unsuccessfully to compare them to “Guantanamo Bay prison food” and a “violation of the Geneva Convention.”
- Writing a scathing expose in the school paper on the many infidelities of a particular classmate. When demanded to take it down as it was an “unprofessional ad hominem attack” and “using the school paper as some kind of girl burn book,” she made the very shrilly case that it was a matter of "ethical concern" and an example of "modern America's failing moral values." It was taken down. But it was still snapchatted to the entire student body in the next 48 hours.
- Overbooking herself the May of junior year and getting herself rushed to the hospital with a stress-induced perforated ulcer. She had told everyone it was "probably just a cramp!" while also smiling and trying to belt the opening number of "Annie, Get Your Gun" in between bouts of coughing up blood.
Where was she when the UFO was sighted? Boy, she'll tell you. She was down in the basement with the headphones on trying to see if she could pick up the next-door neighbour's FM radio signal, when there was a spike in microwave background radiation, and THEN there was this bright, glowing blue light from the windows, and well then obviously she had to get her boots on and go out and look, okay, and then an FBI officer shoved her aside and told her to stay back and it was THE COOLEST moment of her LIFE. Her elbow is featured in the front-page picture of the newspaper! That's HER elbow.
She thinks the aliens are all like the ones from Star Trek and they're here to show humanity how to be sexy and legendary and cure xenophobia. But she hasn't exactly met one…
>YOU GUYS IT'S GOING TO BE JUST LIKE IN CONTACT STARRING JODIE FOSTER. AREA 51 CAN'T COVER UP THIS ONE
So far, the only sign of anything odd seems to be violent-onset migraine headaches, during which she can hear a faint buzzing noise—and, occasionally, a mumbled voice, like a news broadcast through radio static.
EXTRAS
- Height: 5'11" (180 cm)
- Weight: "WOW, THAT'S PERSONAL"
- Favourite color: RED
- Blood type: O+
- Voice Claim: Jennifer Garner for speaking, Sutton Foster for singing (Go figure! A mezzo-soprano with an overcompensating belt)
- Face Claim: Somewhere between Audrey Hepburn and Ashley Graham
- Size 9 shoe
- Easily moved emotionally
- Difficult to move, physically
- First girl in her class to get a bra, which got her MAD tween cred.
- Tallest girl in her class since the third grade.
- … But likes shorter guys, for some reason.
- 50 shades of red lipstick and nails
- Dresses like an extra on the cast of CW's Supernatural
- Fashion icon: "Fran Fine. And also Han Solo."
- Please feel free to godmod yourself as her classmate and make up whatever weird high school stories you want. I'm sure she had a good reason for it?
COMPLICATIONS
PVP: Yes! But violences isn't the answer STOP KONY 2019
Injury: Yes!
Death: No! Please.
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